Sign Up And Enjoy the Excitement of Story Telling
I’ve always enjoyed slice of life stories and especially ones with quirky characters that leave me wondering about who they are really and what might happen to them after the story ends. I thought I’d have some fun and try to create one of those SOL stories of my own.
I’m not a fan of “respelling,” but I did some here because it seemed to fit and it was short, so I didn’t have to endure page after page of talkin’ and outta.
So….drum roll…here’s
The Lynching
About the time the sun hits the top of the mountain-yep that’s the best time to set the trap. He’ll be comin’ from the east and won’t see a damned thing round the bend. By my calculation he”ll be just about smack under the Buzzard Tree and blind as a bat.
Duchane got himself duded up for the occasion. New hat and new hardware rope slung over his shoulder. Kenny Dumont brought his pa’s shotgun, but I know the kid don’t have the sense to aim the thing let alone pull the trigger. Before I left the house, I tucked my Bowie knife into its sheath just in case three against one with surprise on their side wasn’t good enough. Can’t never be too careful when you’re out to string a man up. I’m sure he won’t cotton to that idea at all.
“Gotta take a leak Bart. Here, you hang onto the rope.”
Duchane’s bladder’s about the size of a grape. I take the rope, but that means if that bugger comes while Duchane’s playing bear in the woods, I’ll have to change up the plan. I should’a called on Newt for this job. He might be seventy, but he’d pee his pants before he’d sabotage a planned attack like this one.
And sure as I’m my mama’s best boy, here comes that weasel Barney Treamont. I can tell the way he sits his horse, he’s already had a few hours at Josie’s Bar. Well, that there’s something else to make all of this a lot easier.
Treamont’s sort of leaning over his horse’s head like he’s having a heart to heart with her. Nice horse. It’ll be a good one for Nell. Kind of elegant looking, but gentle. Treamont was never a rider, so all his horses were good and broke to the saddle before he threw his leg over ‘em.
Where’s that Duchane? “Kenny.” I keep my voice low and motion the boy close. “We got to change up the plan. You take that side of the road. I’ll take this one. Don’t point that damned gun at anything you don’t aim to shoot.”
“Got it.” He crouches and makes it behind a boulder at the edge of the road about the same time Treamont comes around the bend.
The pinched-faced little weasel blinks into the glare, and I grab him by the leg and pull him off his saddle.
“What the…” He has a loud, kind of twangy voice that always grates on my nerves. Now that isn’t enough for me to want this waster gone. It’s for Nell that he needs his neck stretched.
She’s had a rough go from day one in this world. Her mama dead before Nell took her first breath. Then there’s the fact that she didn’t come with a head for doing much of anything except feed, water, and nurse animals. Nell could pull a dying filly onto her feet before any vet I ever called to the barn, and every cow gave her double the milk. She talked to ‘em and there were times I swear they talked back to her. That made it hard for people to understand her, and it made it darned hard for me to raise her proper. I done my best, but a girl who’s not right in the head is more than a handful for the likes of me.
Treamont’s squirming under my boot. His eyes got that panic in them, but I’m not sorry for what I’m about to do. Nell must ‘a had some of that panic when he did that thing to her. She never said, but when she forgot to close the hen house door that night, I knew she was hurting. Nell never forgot to care for our critters. They was her family.
I’ve got the noose around Treamont’s neck when Duchane clomps his way outta the trees. “I got his hands,” Duchane says like I need his help now.
Kenny’s aimed his pa’s shotgun at the sky, so the most he’ll shoot is a duck late to the marsh. But he’s forgot what he’s supposed to do.
“Kenny! Get. His. Horse. Over here.” I’m used to handling slow thinkers, but today my patience is wearing thin.
“What are you doing?” Treamont’s sober enough to notice the itchy rope against his throat, but Duchane’s got his hands tied behind him, so all Tremeont can do is twist his head and shuffle his feet.
“We’re hanging you, Treamont. And because I’m a Christian sort of man, I’m going to do two things.” I hold up one finger. “I’m going to let you say a prayer to ask for forgiveness.” I held up the second finger. “And I’m going to tell you why you’re dying.”
My sheets aren’t as white a Treamont’s face. He looks downright bleached.
“I’ve done nothing to harm you, Bart McKinny.”
“That’s not what my Nell tells me.” Now, the truth is Nell talks about as much as a gnat, but I seen Treamont coming outta my barn, straw poking up in his hair. And I seen Nell follow him, her top done up so the buttons don’t match. I didn’t just fall off a turnip truck, and I can add up what I see real fast. “You de-filed my girl.”
No way did I expect Treamont was going to bend over laughing the way he did.
I’m about to give his scrawny butt a good kick with my boot when he straightens up and says, “Your Nell jumped me. But I’m not complaining. I was coming to you now to ask for your blessing. I want to marry Nell.”
If I was a thrashing machine, my gears would be stripped. My Nell married? There are miracles in this world. I size up Treamont again. Not much bigger around than a twig, a short neck that only just let the rope fit under his chin, a real disappointment in the man department, but he might be just right in the Nell husband one.
“Here, let me help you outta that rope contraption.” I tug the noose from over his head, and Duchane unties his hands. “I’d be pleased to give you my blessing, Treamont.”
I pat him on the back until his color’s more natural and Kenny finally leads Treamont’s horse under the Buzzard Tree. Treamont’s still kind of shaky, but he gets back up and rides away a lot faster than I ever seen him do before.
Me, Duchane, and Kenny stand there scratching our chins, kind of feeling the let down of not having Treamont’s lynching to talk about over our beer for the next twenty years.
But the sun disappears behind the next peak, and long shadows from the mountains creep across the Buzzard Tree. Those shadows remind me of a story about how revenge stretches across a lot of years always trying to even up a score.
“Probably wasn’t a good idea to do Treamont in,” I finally say. “How about we get some cold ones at Josie’s?
Hi Lee - loved that … happy ending for now - though I do wonder … still I sincerely hope Nell is happy with her lot … she could well be. Brilliantly written … I was having a cheerful read of a western story … thinking back to my childhood days of watching cowboy movies! But lovely story telling … a happy read with an excellent twist … take care and hope you’re safe and away from those fires … all the best - Hilary
Well, that was a fast switcheroo. I’m glad it ended the way it did. Great voice, atmosphere and humour.
Fun! Love the twist at the end, but did he follow through and marry Nell or run for the hills?
I’m a Pollyanna kind of gal these days. I think he marries Nell. Of course, it would be more life-like to think he took off, wouldn’t it?
I loved the voice in this, so the dialect definitely worked. Great characters and story.
Hi Shannon,
Thanks for that. I like to dabble in dialect to see how I can improve my characterization using it. Glad you thought it worked in this piece.
I must admit that the title and content of this story gave me a lot of anxiety. I’m glad I read it and got to the twist at the end, but it was not an easy read for me. Perhaps in a few days, I’ll even be able to experience and appreciate the humor and satisfaction of the characters’ revelation. I’m just still in a vulnerable place right now. It’s a good story and a great take on this prompt. I’m happy for Nell. The use of dialect was expertly handled. Nicely done, Lee.
Sorry to cause more angst for you, Toi. It wasn’t intentional. I had no thought of making this a social injustice piece, only a tongue-in-cheek one with a poke at poor judgement and decisions gone wrong. Thanks for being sturdy and reading it in spite of what you feared might be in the story.
Enjoyed reading about the colourful characters!
Thanks, Damyanti.
Hi Lee. You rightly say dialect can be hard to read when there’s too much of it, but this story needed it to work. Love it. You drew me right in. Your characterisation was priceless. Felt I got their measure damn straight. But I wonder about Treamont. Is he up for marrying Nell or is he already headed halfway across America?
Now that is an excellent question. My Pollyanna side says he marries the girl and she takes care of his horse. My realistic side says he hightails it out of Dodge and never looks back. That’s why writing is so much fun. You just don’t know, but you might get to decide the outcome. Loved this theme! Thanks, Denise and the others who do such a bang up job with the WEP!
I have to confess that I don’t always like dialects in writing, but in this story it was perfect to help set the story up. And I did wonder at the beginning where the story was going-bracing myself for the worst. Instead I got quirky characters, charming in their haplessness and a happy ending. Thank you!
Yay. Someone else who got the quirkiness and the haplessness. I’m so grateful you took the time to read and comment. I’m glad you thought the respelling worked. I tried to do it without and I couldn’t make it work. And I rail against writing that kind of dialect, even did a presentation at a conference supporting why I didn’t like it. Nothing can be black and white, can it?
Excellent! The colorful characters are too irresistable to not follow around to what surely will be a blunder - and then it isn’t. Well done 😉
So glad you got the humor of the piece as I intended. I find writing these flash fictions great fun.
Good story C Lee, gripping. He’ll never be heard of again, I reckon ….. Happy WEP week.
I hope he takes Nell up on her wedding proposal, but he might just hightail it out of Dodge.
Nice twist at the end. Have you read “The Oxbow Incident”? I was expecting something along that line, where, after stringing up several suspected of cattle rustling, they find out that they were innocent.
I do remember that story. Horrible. I was trying for some folksy humor with quirky characters on this one. Right now I need laughter. I’ve had way too much doom and gloom.
A great read and a surprising but happy ending
We need happy endings these days. Thanks for reading and commenting.
Hi,
I like the element of surprise, when he found that his Nell jumped Treamont. It clearly reveals that he sees Nell as a child but Nell has become a woman.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat Garcia
True. She might not seem grown up because she’s rather simple, but I’m hoping she and Treamont get together. After all, he has that great horse for Nell to care for. Great to see you here.
I liked the respelling and the dialect. Set the right tone. Thumbs up for that. I could visualise the entire set up. The end left me happy. And the characters were so well done. I really liked your SOL!
Thank you, Sonia. I had fun writing it.
Absolutely spellbinding! The title itself made my heart jump into my throat and the tension was just perfect. Loved the humour, loved the twist, and thank goodness for the HEA! Thoroughly enjoyed this flash, thank you.
I find it challenging to write something slightly dark with humor, so it was interesting to give this a try. And yes, HEA or HE-for the time being- was essential. Thank you, Nilanjana.
Sanhita Mukherjee says
Liked the ending. The gory beginning would up into a very positive sweet end.
I’m sorry you found it gory. I was really aiming at comic, but then I might have missed the mark.
What a master story teller you are C.Lee Mckenzie! Well done, it really rolled along. Loved the ending.
That is one fine compliment. Thank you taking the time to read this and to comment. I truly appreciate it.
I’m glad it was a happy ending. I enjoyed these characters very much!
Thank you for the visit and the comment. I have a hard time with sad endings these days! 🙂
I love the boys who don’t quite have it all together, yet they try and sometimes actually succeed. Here at least McKinny has some thinking power about revenge and consequences.
A fantastic use of characterizations, and dialogue use. The final outcome took me complete surprise. Well done.
Thank you so much, Christopher. Your kind comment is wonderful. As a writer, I’m sure you know, compliments are hard to come by, so I appreciate every one I can get.
I throughly enjoyed this one and great job with the dialog! Love the happy ending! I pray that you too have one and the fires burn out quickly!
Great to see you here, Yolanda. The fires are almost gone for now. We go through this almost every year and every year they get worse.
L.G. Keltner says
The dialect works great here, and I loved the setting! The happy ending definitely took me by surprise, too. Well done!
Glad you enjoyed the dialog. It was fun to write.
Oh good, it was a sweet story. At least, in the end.
I couldn’t string. up Treamont. He was a hapless, sweet soul.
Dixie says
The dialect works well and I loved the story.
After struggling and failing to find your story last night, I am delighted to find it this morning.
A very different twist, and a delightful ending. Perspective is everything. I hope Nell is very, very happy.
She’ll get Treamont and his lovely horse. I’ll make sure Nell is one happy lady. Sorry about the story hiding from you. I publish at 4 a.m. California time, so you were probably up way before that happened. Thanks for being persistent.
I enjoyed that! Great atmosphere and a lovely twist. Good work!
Thank you for reading, Jemima. Appreciate that a lot.
I didn’t expect the ending, but was so glad it ended that way. Great story!
The ending seems to have please everyone, including the author. 🙂
Love it! I do enjoy happy endings.
Nice. Didn’t expect the happy ending.
That is great! Really good characterizations, and a nice ending 🙂
Flash fiction is great to play with character development. You have to really choose your words carefully. Glad you thought these guys were believable.
Love it!!! Your characterizations are fabulous. And the ending wasn’t in the least bit expected. Nicely done!
Thanks, Jemi. I’m glad you liked the characters. They made me laugh, the way they were bumbling through their plan.