Thanks ALEX |
Last month I posted about considering Insecurity in a Positive Light–beautiful even. I took this idea from Therese J. Borchard, the author of Beyond Blue: Surviving Depression; Anxiety and Making the Most of Bad Genes, and The Pocket Therapist: An Emotional Survival Kit.
Since her techniques for managing this thing call Insecurity are so amazing, I thought I’d continue with more of her suggestions each month until I came to end.
Here’s #2
“Know it’s invisible.
You figure everyone can see that you’re insecure. And that actually makes you feel more insecure. But here’s the wonderful truth. No one can see your insecurity. They are too worried about their own insecurity to notice your insecurity. Even when I think the world can see me shake – when I get really nervous or uncertain – few people can. Either that or they are lying to me when I call them on it. Do your friends look insecure when they are in a group of coworkers or with dysfunctional families? Nope? No one can see your insides but you.”
So can I cope with my Insecurities?
Bet you can, too.
What do you think of Borchard’s ideas about Insecurity? Had you ever considered them
1) Beautiful?
2) Invisible?
******
Samantha Geary Readstreak is hosting Two Steps From Hell’s first book launch for Colin Frake – On Fire Mountain, an enhanced iBook with original orchestral soundtrack and 40 hand drawn illustrations!
Stop by Sam’s place and see what’s going on.
DMS says
Great post! When I am feeling my most insecure I feel like it is written all over my face, but most of the time others probably can't tell. It makes sense that most people are more worried about themselves than other people's insecurities. A good reminder!
Hope you had a happy 4th!
Jess
Sherry Ellis says
Sometimes we just have to fake our way through things, so nobody knows we're insecure!
Suzanne Sapsed says
I find I relate more to someone who does show insecurities – anxiousness – scared stiff! Makes the individual more human and, for me, endearing. Rather that than the person with absolutely no insecurities and drives you mad with their know-it-all attitude. A little confidence is good, a lot less so. Actually, applies to both 🙂 God I waffle sometimes LOL!
Suzanne @ Suzannes-Tribe
x
Beverly Fox says
I am constantly telling my clients that the only person in the entire world who knows what it's like inside of their heads is them. Good, bad and insecure that only one who can see what it's like on the inside is you. The reminds me of a favorite saying: "Don't compare your insides to another person's outsides"
Great post!
Natalie Aguirre says
So true about being able to hide the insecurities and our other hard feelings. And that's okay because we don't have to share it with everyone.
Empty Nest Insider says
There are many days where I would love to be invisible! It would be a great way to gather more research material!
Julie
Medeia Sharif says
I can put on a brave face. And sometimes I meet people who seem so stable and later on they admit to me that they were nervous and insecure.
Patricia Lynne says
I know my insecurities are invisible because I'm pretty good at maintaining a calm demeanor. If I'm not, then I'm in pretty bad shape and probably need a hug (despite me saying I hate hugs.)
Lady Lilith says
I like your little motivational illustration.
Catherine Stine says
Very interesting post! One of my favorite quotes (and I can't recall who said it!!!) is:
"Our doubt is our passion"
Which means that doubt and insecurity can fuel our creativity and passion!
Loni Townsend says
I could see how it'd be invisible. My default reaction to nervousness and insecurity is to plaster a smile to my face. Of course, my husband tells me I have different smiles. One for when I'm happy, one for when I'm terrified, and one for when I'm really ticked off. I suppose I took that song about "just smiling" to heart.
Murees Dupé says
This is a great post and a wonderful point is made. I feel like others can see through me sometimes, but in truth they can't. Coping with one's insecurity is definitely possible. Thank you for your nice words on my blog.
Lynda R Young says
I hadn't thought of it that way, but it's so true. No one can see anyone else's insecurity, and, hey, if they can, then they're far more forgiving of it than we are of ourselves.
Julie Musil says
What a cool thought! Thank goodness it's invisible, or else I'd look like a complete wreck.
Tonja says
I think that the people that seem to have no problems in their lives are just well-practiced in hiding it. Ironic that it's a good thing that people (obviously not including anyone reading this!) are kind of self-centered. 🙂 Interesting post. Thanks for sharing.
Christine Rains says
I definitely have considered them invisible. I've spent most of my life as the invisible one and it's hard to think anyone notices me at all. Yet the IWSG has done wonders for me. I love the community!
Angela Brown says
I have considered insecurities as invisible. They tend to show on some sleeves like emotions. In many things, it really comes down to perspective.
C. Lee McKenzie says
All is perspective in the end, right? 🙂
klahanie says
Hi Lee,
More like, living with rather than suffering from depression. Indeed, most people are so worried that you might notice their insecurities, that they will hardly notice your own insecurities. That author has an ethos that I relate to and with plugging my site, I did a whole series on insecurity and low self-esteem. Yep, my serious side came out.
I rejoice in being secure in my insecurities!
So there you go and I'm still your most starstruckest fan!
Gary 🙂
C. Lee McKenzie says
And you should plug your site. It has serious and not so serious that we all appreciate and enjoy.
Kim Lajevardi says
I think some insecurities are very endearing. Consider a young girl who nibbles at her lower lip as she struggles to find the right words, or a man who wobbles as he walks up to the podium before delivering a heartfelt speech. Those physical signs of insecurities are noticeable, but they're also endearing. We see them, but unless the person becomes overwhelmed or stops what they're attempting as a result, they glide by quietly because we all understand. We can relate.
Great post!
C. Lee McKenzie says
You and Joylene have touched on another aspect of this. We're often endeared to others by seeing those moments of insecurity on their faces and we can connect with them for sure.
Lexa Cain says
Maybe no one can see my insecurities, but since I whine, kvetch, moan, and complain about them all the time, they're not quite invisible either. Perhaps I need a muzzle… or a separate rant blog that's not in my name. "That crazy ranting blogger wrote what? How rude. I'm shocked! Truly shocked!"
C. Lee McKenzie says
Let me know when you come up with your new blog. I'm there to rant along.
stu says
Realising that other people couldn't see it helped me quite a bit a while ago.
C. Lee McKenzie says
It does give you a bit of starch to get through.
J Q Rose says
Yes, it's invisible. Some people are better hiding it from others. I hate pretending like everything is fine when it isn't and being fake. I have friends who pull it off so well too. I'll have to read how insecurity can be beautiful. I don't picture it that way at all. Thanks for the thought provoking post here.
C. Lee McKenzie says
Her point was that insecurity was a humble posture and humble was beautiful. That's the short take on her idea.
Chrys Fey says
It's true that insecurity is invisible. No one can see it, only we can feel it.
C. Lee McKenzie says
And it's very real. It just shouldn't stop us.
Cathrina Constantine says
When I'm feeling insecure in any form, I do remind myself that no one see's what I'm feeling on the inside, and then I actually feel better.
C. Lee McKenzie says
Then you're already there! Congratulations.
Crystal Collier says
Amen! As a performer that's one thing I learned well. As long as this smile was plastered to my face, my shoulders were back, and my chin high, no one knew I was trembling inside. Eventually I wasn't anymore. Fake it til you make it. That's my take.
C. Lee McKenzie says
And a great motto that is! I'm stealing it.
M Pax says
Yes, it's invisible. I often feel it's a wart on my nose, though. A really big one. Great advice.
C. Lee McKenzie says
Warts work in October. The rest of the time, I'm not into them. 🙂
Beverly Stowe McClure says
I never looked at it that way. It's true though. Others can't see inside us, maybe a little by our actions, but not our thoughts.
Borchard's ideas are beautiful.
C. Lee McKenzie says
It's in the actions that we reveal what we want others to believe is our true selves. I like her ideas. They give us a different angle on things.
Joylene Nowell Butler says
My problem, I'm too often hiding my insecurities because I don't want to come across as weak. Dumb, I know. It's a long story, but insecurity draws us together, and it's a brave thing admitting we have them. .
C. Lee McKenzie says
And there is a connection, isn't there? Very human.
Sarah Foster says
Sometimes I worry that my body language is very obviously insecure (slouching, lack of eye contact, etc.), but maybe people are too caught up in their own insecurities to notice.
C. Lee McKenzie says
My bet is you're right.
Shooting Stars Mag says
Good advice. It's so simple, but most people don't think about. I deal a lot with insecurity and anxiety, but it's true that I don't tend to notice it in others.
-Lauren
C. Lee McKenzie says
I hadn't thought about this before I read Borchard's paper. Now I'm on it. 🙂
Laurel Garver says
A good reminder that no one around us is a mind-reader. Though we can sometimes give a lot of bodily hints of how we're feeling (slumped posture, etc), so it can take positive self talk to counteract it.
C. Lee McKenzie says
I love talking myself out of bad moods. "Listen up, Lee. Get it together." 🙂
Tyrean Martinson says
Thanks for the positive posts, C.Lee! Insecurity is invisible but I'm not sure about beautiful . . . 🙂
C. Lee McKenzie says
Got to read post one. That explains what she means.
S.K. Anthony says
I *know* this but sometimes I still allow it to get the best of me and let insecurity hang around. Even if I'm the only one that knows, boo me! lol
I like the positivity of these post so much! Keep 'em coming!
C. Lee McKenzie says
A few more heading your way.
Misha Gericke says
Such an interesting thought. 🙂
C. Lee McKenzie says
A different way of looking at an old issue. I like it.
debi o'neille says
Great post, and I'm going to forward the link to a few of my writing friends. 🙂
Deb@ http://debioneille.blogspot.com
C. Lee McKenzie says
Thanks for passing on the information, Debi.
Julie Flanders says
I love this invisible idea. Glad you shared more from Borchard, I love her suggestions.
C. Lee McKenzie says
I may have to buy her books!
Deb says
I like that…no one can see your insides but you. It is true…and it is good to be reminded of that! Thanks for this, have to go back and read your previous post now!
C. Lee McKenzie says
We're all actors. Shakespeare had it right.
Mark Means says
I've always held to the idea that some insecurities can be a good thing.
They're strong motivators as long as you don't let them overwhelm you 🙂
C. Lee McKenzie says
Indeed. If we're complacent, we don't move forward.
Jemi Fraser says
So true! Kind of like 'fake it till you make it'! 🙂
C. Lee McKenzie says
I like that, Jemi.
L. Diane Wolfe says
Smart advice. People really are so focused on themselves they don't notice those things in others.
C. Lee McKenzie says
That's the truth.
Carole Anne Carr says
I try to feel like Bob the Builder, the children's carton figure, and say, 'we can do it, yes we can!'
C. Lee McKenzie says
Bob has the right idea!
Denise Covey says
I've been reading some lovely positive posts today. Love it. Insecurity is definitely a state of mind we either own or refuse to own.
C. Lee McKenzie says
Hi Denise. There are always some great boosts on the first Wed. of the month. Glad you stopped by.
Alex J. Cavanaugh says
That's very true! No one knows but us. We can fake our way through it.
C. Lee McKenzie says
We can probably even fool ourselves.