I read an article a while back titled, How To Remain An Amateur Writer. Just in case you’re aiming for amateur, here are a few tips on how to stay in that category instead of moving into the arena with the pros. I think I’ve done all of these.
- Use as many adverbs a possible to save time.
- Come out of flashbacks with something clever like this: “Her thought returned to the present.”
- Be sure to impress the reader with your stellar vocabulary. Inchoate or vitreous should do the job.
- Your characters should do a lot of these things: raise their eyebrows, shake their heads and sigh.
- Charles Dickens touched objects three times for good luck. Really? How silly. *touch, touch, touch*
- The life span of a taste bud is about 10 days. Will it survive longer if I feed it chocolate?
- A large river hippo can open its mouth wide enough to fit a four-foot child. I’m off to buy some platform heels just in case a hippo drops by.
- Alec Guiness is the only actor to receive a best acting nomination of a performance in any of the Star Wars films. That makes total sense.